Pluses and minuses

I spent a beautiful afternoon outside of Paris today with my 'second mom'. I call her that because she was so present and influential in my life. She was our Portuguese full-time nanny and housekeeper, stayed with us from the time I was 5 to when I was 16. She's like family to us and we've stayed in touch ever since. I'll call her MT here.

Like many Portuguese people back then, MT came to France to find work. That was 36 years ago. She turns 65 in a few days and will retire at the end of the year. She is then moving back to Portugal, where she now owns her own place paid for by living frugally and saving from each paycheck.

MT is an amazing and inspiring woman. She is a secular nun who has devoted her entire life to the service of others. Everyone who's ever met her has been touched by her kindness and compassion. I've known her literally my whole life, yet today I learned things I never knew.

I knew she had never known her father, and that her mother was unable to keep her and had sent her to live with her grand-parents in the Portuguese countryside. They were extremely poor people, who could not put food on the table every day. MT grew up with her grand-father's wooden clog as her only toy. Still, she would always speak of her youth with joy and gratitude.

Today, I learned a whole new side to this story. Apparently her mother sent MT to live with her grand-parents out of fear that her dad might take her (didn't get the whole story there). MT had 2 siblings who were older and apparently not in the same danger. Apparently she did not know the whole story, and grew up thinking her dad was dead and her mom had rejected her but kept her siblings. In school, MT was registered as a 'fatherless' child, a statute not envied in a deeply religious country. She apparently deeply suffered from these things.

As she's telling us this side of the story today we've never heard, she went on to say how for every fear and feeling of inferiority and shame she had growing up, she also had amazing people who went out their way to make her feel valued and special. Her grand-mother, the local priest and others.

The way she netted out this story is that for every minus or gap thrown at her in her life, other pluses and positives came in to restore balance and carry her forward, and this is the source of inspiration for her life of service and devotion to God and humanity.

There are many things to deplore in this world, from big things like atrocities of war and social injustices and the destruction of our planet in the name of greed, to smaller things like every day inconveniences, missed opportunities, financial worries, etc... I think the lesson I learned today was that whatever situations may hit us, it is within us to look for nuggets of hope for the future in each of these.

Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving Day in the US. Although we should feel gratitude and express thanks every day of the year, today we reflect more directly on that for which we are especially thankful.

As I pay attention to the world around me, I am thankful for the privileged life I lead and for my good fortunes. As I reflect on this past year and search within to find those things for which I am especially thankful beyond core pillars like health, family or financial stability, a few come to mind:

Thankful for unconditional love -- None of us is perfect, especially not me. I am thankful for the people in my life who accept and love me as I am. Am also thankful for all the selfless individuals who devote so much of themselves to improve the lives of others out of love and compassion. Peace and social justice have to start with love.

Thankful for inspiration and commitment -- I have always been somewhat of an idealist, but had gradually become somewhat of a cynic. As I look to the future, I have renewed inspiration to apply my abilities to contribute in more direct ways to improve the world around me, and renewed commitment to draw on this inspiration and follow through with action.

Thankful for comic relief -- Our lives can get heavy at times, and being able to find ways to laugh at ourselves and with each other certainly makes tough situations much easier to get through.

Thankful for music -- I've always found music to be a great way to accentuate or soothe my moods and emotions. Recently I've paid more attention not just to the music but to the lyrics of brilliant songwriters, true poets of their age, who are able through the sharing of their art to inspire the rest of us and help put words to feelings we would not always know how to express ourselves.

Thankful for the rain -- Our Irish friends may not appreciate this one as much :-) In Central Texas, where we've been in an extended drought, the rain we've experienced lately has been a blessing. There is something so cleansing, so unifying, about just standing or walking in the rain. Try it, you'll be surprised.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way" — Native American Prayer

Dealing with loss

We all get to deal with loss at different points in our lives, and each instance probably affects us differently. Last week our 11 year old attended a funeral for one of her classmate's mom who wasn't even 40. One of my team members at work also just buried her mother this past week. Over this past year people close to us have lost parents, grand-parents, a child...

When a loss is so final, lots of questions must abound such as 'did I call them often enough?', 'did they know how much I cared about them?', 'what was the last thing I said to them?'...

Then there is the fear or anticipation of loss. We met a woman last night whose only son is about to be deployed to Afghanistan. She naturally fears for his safety, wondering if she'll get to see him again. Some of our friends work in law enforcement and place themselves in harm's way every day, making their spouses wonder if one day they'll get that dreaded call. As our parents and grand-parents age, we come to terms with the idea that they are not immortal and that one day they will be gone.

I guess the question I'm asking myself is whether the people I love have heard it enough from me. If they disappear abruptly from my life tomorrow, will I feel like they knew how much they meant to me? Will I wish I had done more, said more, shown more while I had the chance... I know I would.

Some people are gone and it's too late. For those who aren't, I'm committed to making sure they know how I feel about them, how thankful I am for them. That's my Thanksgiving pledge.

Footprints

Ran into this quote today. Made me reflect on the fact that this is how we grow as individuals, through the experiences we have with others. Most are fleeting and not meaningful. A few, like our parents, our siblings, our romantic partners and our closest friends, make impressions upon us that change us forever.

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” Anonymous

Beautifully said...